It is almost 2am and I have a three page essay due Tuesday and all I can think about are the people I’ve wronged in my life. My problem, I’m too stubborn to say sorry unless they do it first. This isn’t me wanting to be anyone’s friend or me wanting them to be back in my life in any way shape or…
I’m so fucking sorry.
I love my friends.
That means I love you all.
End of story. Whether we hangout alot or not. Talk alot or not.
Sew mucho luv <3
night night
the details are easy to swallow, chewing however is quite different. I am pessimist. take me down, the dirt coveres ,e. the sweet scent of soil. I can’t escape. father take me out. mother send me down. brother end me. sister spit on my grave. nothign will ever bring back my innocence. the demons storm the gate. slaugheting all the positive. anger and honor make there last stand. a pulp of plasma and blood the stench of necrosis, leaks from anger. the end of the corruption, jealousy and bitternes laugh at the mayhem. integrity is no where to be seen. and what little is left of pity is drowning in the bitter urine of us all. the massacre grows. march. lie steal kill cry laugh. they can’t forget a drug so sweet that even a child would look on and smile. am I still ill ? TAKE ME BACK. were falling out. down this freeway. walls surrounding us. crumble down. my glas house security flathers my bounty on the rise, all I leanred was what to despise. chasing after that fucking look. cspeaking nicholas sparks. the answer always fades away., seaching, lost, the tape is running low in the de k., fast pull. down for the count. snap of the neck. MY KINGDOM IS CHRONICLY ILL. THE VOICES ARE GROWING LOUDER. THE KING STANDS NAKED. ALL PASS JUDGEMENT. A LONGING FOR THE JESTER. NO GRACE, NO COURTSEY. BREAK DOWN THE STONE, BREAK DOWN THE STEAL, STEAL I DO WONDER. GAZING, THE CEILING DRIPS DOWN, BURNS MY PORES. DROOLING AT THE MOUTH, THE FALSE IDEAS, GASPING, BUT, RUTHLESS DRUGS, HAPPY THUGS, BATTER MY FRAME, BRUSIESES SEEP BLOOD, END. the never ending story makes its return.But this time it will end. because hopefully by the time you read this. it has ended. HEY GUESS WHAT. This is probably not something I thought I would ever write. However it is a necessary objectivr to complete as the following actions I have taken have resulted in an outcome to which you probably don’t approve. Do not be upset. I am not. You know I’m no good, this might come as a shock to some of you, but the majority of you have predicted such an outcome. I’m probably not alive, and if I am at this point, someone finish the job. You all know I wouldn’t last. I took control of the situiation. I couraglouesly stood agasint my demons, and offered them no surrender. only complete destruction of everything. No more thoughts, no more angst, no more pain, no more confusion, no more fake voices, no more anger, no more guilt, no more anger, no more anger, no more lust, no more ache, no more pain. these thoughts suffocated my soul. leavning no cavern of hope unchecked. ther has been a persitance on there part. astonishing. I applaudg the gallantry of my happy defenereds, however they didn’t prevail. to say this is an act of selfisness is ture, but to say I shouldn’t ahve done so, obviously didn’t access my thoughts on a regular basis. I did my best. I might not have been the nicest,. but I did my best. I want everyone to get laid and drunk and the like at my funeral. I want it to be a party like no other. I am no longer a burden. I am no longer a shame. I am no longer a bother. my mood is descendning rapibly. So i’ll call the suicide hotline now, and probably argue with them for an hour or so. Dragging down with it, the hope and chance of a cure. It appears I have suffered the fate of my heroes. I love you all. I’ll be seeing you all, we’ll meet again. Donate all my stuff. Give my snow globes to my closest friends. If you have doubt of who that is, play cee-lo and decided that way. take care of my cats. don’t feel depressed, I’m not wroth it. and I will haunt your fucking dreams if you decided I am a coward. the details are easy to swallow, chewing however is quite different. I am pessimist. take me down, the dirt coveres ,e. the sweet scent of soil. I can’t escape. father take me out. mother send me down. brother end me. sister spit on my grave. nothign will ever bring back my innocence. the demons storm the gate. slaugheting all the positive. anger and honor make there last stand. a pulp of plasma and blood the stench of necrosis, leaks from anger. the end of the corruption, jealousy and bitternes laugh at the mayhem. integrity is no where to be seen. and what little is left of pity is drowning in the bitter urine of us all. the massacre grows. march. lie steal kill cry laugh. they can’t forget a drug so sweet that even a child would look on and smile. am I still ill ? TAKE ME BACK. were falling out. down this freeway. walls surrounding us. crumble down. my glas house security flathers my bounty on the rise, all I leanred was what to despise. chasing after that fucking look. cspeaking nicholas sparks. the answer always fades away., seaching, lost, the tape is running low in the de k., fast pull. down for the count. snap of the neck. MY KINGDOM IS CHRONICLY ILL. THE VOICES ARE GROWING LOUDER. THE KING STANDS NAKED. ALL PASS JUDGEMENT. A LONGING FOR THE JESTER. NO GRACE, NO COURTSEY. BREAK DOWN THE STONE, BREAK DOWN THE STEAL, STEAL I DO WONDER. GAZING, THE CEILING DRIPS DOWN, BURNS MY PORES. DROOLING AT THE MOUTH, THE FALSE IDEAS, GASPING, BUT, RUTHLESS DRUGS, HAPPY THUGS, BATTER MY FRAME, BRUSIESES SEEP BLOOD, END. the never ending story makes its return.But this time it will end. because hopefully by the time you read this. it has ended. HEY GUESS WHAT. This is probably not something I thought I would ever write. However it is a necessary objectivr to complete as the following actions I have taken have resulted in an outcome to which you probably don’t approve. Do not be upset. I am not. You know I’m no good, this might come as a shock to some of you, but the majority of you have predicted such an outcome. I’m probably not alive, and if I am at this point, someone finish the job. You all know I wouldn’t last. I took control of the situiation. I couraglouesly stood agasint my demons, and offered them no surrender. only complete destruction of everything. No more thoughts, no more angst, no more pain, no more confusion, no more fake voices, no more anger, no more guilt, no more anger, no more anger, no more lust, no more ache, no more pain. these thoughts suffocated my soul. leavning no cavern of hope unchecked. ther has been a persitance on there part. astonishing. I applaudg the gallantry of my happy defenereds, however they didn’t prevail. to say this is an act of selfisness is ture, but to say I shouldn’t ahve done so, obviously didn’t access my thoughts on a regular basis. I did my best. I might not have been the nicest,. but I did my best. I want everyone to get laid and drunk and the like at my funeral. I want it to be a party like no other. I am no longer a burden. I am no longer a shame. I am no longer a bother. my mood is descendning rapibly. So i’ll call the suicide hotline now, and probably argue with them for an hour or so. Dragging down with it, the hope and chance of a cure. It appears I have suffered the fate of my heroes. I love you all. I’ll be seeing you all, we’ll meet again. Donate all my stuff. Give my snow globes to my closest friends. If you have doubt of who that is, play cee-lo and decided that way. take care of my cats. don’t feel depressed, I’m not wroth it. and I will haunt your fucking dreams if you decided I am a coward.
10/9/11
Failed, yet again. Not looking forward to much, except more pills, and moving.
